Red had a 2 month long ear infection during the early winter of 2013. During that time, he ate like a bird, and refused most foods on account of how bad he felt. Once his ears cleared up, his food refusal and pickiness was all the more strong. Red only had about 7-8 foods he would eat, and routinely went to bed without dinner because I refused to be a short order cook. He was a super picky eater, but Red needed to eat what everyone was having, and learn to like it.
Sure, this sounds like “mean old Mama” reaching out, but teaching your child to try different foods and take bites of what is served is an important lesson that Red was not learning. This continued for almost a year, until last week, when Hubs and I really decided to put our foot down. We were going to starve him out. Our pediatrician agreed. If he’s hungry, he’s going to eat what’s in front of him. Hold off the milk and the foods he really wants until he has tried or eaten other more nutritious things.
So the hunger strike began. Friday morning, Red awoke at 5:30am, hungry because dinner the night before has been a failure. “Mama; hungry. Need snack”, was what I woke up to. I scrambled him an egg. He screamed, cried, threw himself on the floor in agony. I was torturing him with clean eating.
Over the course of a few days, Hubs and I MADE him try peach slices, hamburger, crinkle fries that Nana made, hot dogs dipped in ketchup, pears, cinnamon apple sauce, grilled chicken, grilled corn niblets, mini corndogs and strawberries. All of which he fussed over, gave in for a bite, may have liked and chewed up. Only then was he given his milk, yogurt, etc.
The corndog incident was at a restaurant on Tuesday night. We decided to hit up a local grill, and served Red mini corndogs and his favorite fries. But the fries were completely off limits until two corndogs went down the pipe. I actually caught Hubs making Red try a bite (and then he liked it).
The first time he had a chocolate graham cracker, he was really unsure, but when Hubs asked him to try it, he liked it… and wanted more (video embedded).
Wednesday night was one for the books. We grilled hamburgers and corn on the cob. After 6 days of being starved from his favorite trashy foods and only given the “healthy” stuff he wasn’t too fond of, we hit a plateau. Two bites of hamburger and ketchup went in fairly easily. When tempted with his drink, two bites of corn and more hamburger went in. It was that final 8th bite of hamburger that did us in. The hamburger went into his mouth, but that was about it. Red refused to swallow or chew. That bite sat in there for over an hour.
When I tell you this was a strained point in my parenting journey, it was the truth. We wouldn’t let Red spit it out, or get down from the table until it was swallowed. The hamburger wasn’t poison, and the bites were so tiny that there was no way he was full. It was about power and willfulness… we did not give in.
60 minutes after the final bite, here we were. A swallow stand-off. What made him finally swallow? Maybe it was that his saliva has started breaking it down (gross, sorry….), maybe it was that Red was caving… maybe it was that Daddy had the iPad and was watching Red’s favorite show loudly in the other room. I told Red he could join Daddy to watch the Lego Movie if he finished eating, and buddy did he.
He finally finished. 7 days into the starvation plan, Red has tried over 10 new textures and food and didn’t die. He didn’t starve, and he survived. (I’m sure he will write a book on the subject in a few years, with scathing parenting reviews). I’m so proud of him, and we’re totally going to keep up the good eating!
How do your picky eaters react to new or different foods? Do you put up with it?
We have a ‘no thank you bite’ rule. If they don’t like it, fine, don’t eat it. But I will not make anything else.
The other day in the paper, there was an article about kids & eating. (I’m summarizing here) The article said you should allow your kids to pick and choose what they put on their plates AND eat. If I recall, it went on to say that you should allow your kids to have dessert even if they don’t eat their dinner.
I’ll let you know if I find it online.
I stopped being a short-order cook about 2 years ago. They eat what we eat- unless it is something unreasonable like spicy stuff.
Wow you are a good mom! Kids sometimes forget that they are children and try to get their way with their parents by telling what they will and will not eat. I don’t have kids but I think this was a great technique and lesson to teach him that food is not to be played with and you have to eat or the body will make you. Thats just him being stubborn but growling stomachs will be the cure to that. Thanks for sharing!
I’m going through the same thing with my 2-year old. He is getting over an ear infection, he didn’t have much of an appetite. I just make him the foods I know he’ll eat. I’ve been known to bribe my child from time to time, but don’t tell anyone, lol.
My SIX year old is wicked picky and there are times he won’t eat what I make. Like throws a fit and refuses to eat. My rule is you eat what I make or you don’t eat and he has gone to bed hungry a few times.
Good for you, momma, keeping your ground with him! I really need to get on it with my two year old. She’s incredibly picky, and often I give up with her.
Way to go. Sometimes this is exactly what needs to happen in order to remain sane and our kids stay healthy
I applaud the effort. Most people won’t do it. It’s necessary at times
Good for you sticking to your guns! My granddaughter is real picky. I won’t give in to her.
I’m in the same boat. A few weeks ago, I’d had enough of my toddler not eating meat (unless it was in a nugget form.) I made him hamburger, just like I made for my husband and myself, and he ate it, with the promise of ice cream afterwards. Bribery works for my kid. 🙂
The rule in our house is that he has to try two bites of a new food (since he’s 2 years old.) In a few months, he’ll have to try 3 bites. He’s getting better about trying the foods, though!
You go girl. Your the parent and this is a good way to get him to try new stuff.
Good for you for not giving in. It’s not a diner, after all. – Jenn @ The Rebel Chick
He’s a stubborn little fella, isn’t he? It’s great that he’s starting to see he likes some different foods though!
Good for you,Only 1 of our kids is fussy the rest will eat anything and everything put in front of them lol.
It’s really a very challenging time to introduce new
nutritious foods for kids. I think you really made a great job with this
chapter of your parenting. 🙂
All 6 of my kids are piglets. I only have 1 picky eater and he usually sulks if I try to make him try something new but does it!
My son is a very picky eater. I just made cinnamon banana pancakes for breakfast which I thought he would love since he loves bananas. But it was a no go. (And for the record…they were delicious! 🙂 )
My toddler is very picky as well and maybe I need to try this strategy. I know she won’t starve but I always cave in. Time to be the mom and not do that. 🙂
My daughter was a very picky eater when she was a child. Now she loves eating different things. I think a lot of kids grow out of that phase. Thank goodness.
Your son is adorable. My oldest had a horrible ear infection a few weeks ago, and he didn’t want to eat either. When your son finds something he likes, he’ll it and if he’s hungry he’ll eat. I worry sometimes my kids are hungry because they won’t eat, but then I realize, they are just picky.
Ermagoodness, the food battles in my house are sometimes epic. Good for you for standing your ground. It isn’t easy!
I remember those food battles like they were yesterday. My younger one is 12 now and we still struggle a bit. You have to stay strong to get them to eat healthy
plz plz i need your help,
My son is a two year old toddler who refuses to eat or chew any type of food unless it is sweet and mashed softly or he will spit it out . I cry all day for such a thing and i dont know what to do ..plz help me
I’m so sorry to hear you’re having trouble! I suggest talking to your pediatrician and seeing if my method would work for you. I did let my son go hungry for half a day, until he caved and ate what I left in front of him. In fact, he woke up at 4:30am after dismissing two meals because he was hungry, so we went downstairs and I made him scrambled eggs…. and he ate them! Now, he’s eating better than ever because I don’t make second meals and he understands it!
Ohh my word. I’m RIGHT there with you. We did the starve out thing with my son. Peanut butter sandwiches was about the only thing he’d eat. At least he was getting protein though. Sheesh.
I probably need to do something like this with my youngest child. When it comes to eating, she has a limitless supply of stubbornness and will. It is so frustrating.
I have been right there with you with our first child. Let’s say we had the same saliva incident…with peas
We follow the try it rule too. They aren’t allowed to turn down a food until they have at least tasted it. And they have to try it at least three different times before we will agree it is a dislike.
My kids have to try a food before they move on to something else. More times than not, they end up liking it.
My son is such a picky eater. I make him take a few bites and he actually ends up liking most things.
I can’t tell you all the troubles we went through with my son. He actually went to food therapy. I am happy to report that he is now trying a no thank you bite every night!
Good for you for being a good parent. Congrats on having a successful parenting moment.
I don’t see anything wrong with what you did and if I had kids I would totally have done the same thing, go you for teaching your kid to try different things! Also, you got a hard headed one there I think you’re going to be in for the ride of your life with Red.
I can totally sympathize. We have to still do that with our six year old son. he refuses to try new foods – so either he eats what’s in front of him, or he eats nothing. He won’t get dessert or a snack. It’s hard sometimes not to give in and just make them something that you know they will eat, but quite honestly it’s a hinderance!
Our toddler also thinks we’re horrible at times. Just tonight he sat at the table an extra 30 min past when he wanted because he didn’t eat the sausage that was given to him. Kids are awesome. We’re awesome for making them try things!
This subject is near and dear to me as a Pediatric Feeding Therapist and Registered Dietitian. Kids will eat when they are hungry and it is our job to make sure they have regular scheduled meals and balanced meals offered. It is there job to eat based off their internal feeling of hunger and fullness. I think you are doing a great job.
My youngest was a picky eater as well. I even had him tested for allergies to make sure he wasn’t allergic to any foods – he wasn’t. Once this was confirmed, I pretty much did what you did. It worked! Stick to your guns. He will be better for it 🙂
I don’t have children, so my views might drastically change when I actually experience parenthood, but I would do exactly the same thing. My parents had the eat what I make you or starve attitude, which developed my love for food, willingness to try new things and adventurous kitchen behaviors!
I wish I had the balls for this!!! I just am not strong enough. Although I have been winning small battles; it only works when daddy isn’t home.
My son loved trying new foods. One of my grandsons and I have food standoffs. Once we sat at kitchen table for over an hour because he would not swallow a teaspoon of corn.
I have the same problem with my husband. He thinks that I am being a bad grandma.
It’s REALLY hard, isn’t it?! But we have to be tough. This episode passed and we haven’t had to fight a bite for more than 20 minutes now. And I’m not forcing the clean plate, just one bite of each dish! 🙂 Good for you!
Hi there, a child getting super picky after an illness and staying that way is a really common situation – it sounds like you have had a tough time of it worrying about your little one. I don’t think it’s ever OK to pressure a child to eat though, and it will frequently make problems worse.
My approach is all about trusting a child’s natural appetite to drive their eating decisions (and I teach parents not to give any alternatives or snacks if a child has rejected what you prepared) but there’s a way of doing this that is stress-free for parent and child.
If you are still struggling with picky eating, I’d be really happy to send you a complimentary copy of my book, War & Peas, which teaches parents to tackle picky eating by understanding the psychology behind it. Just drop me a line if you are interested. All the best, Jo
Thanks so much for reading and commenting! We did exactly that – offered what we had, no second meals (which was new) and that caused his stand off. It only lasted a day, and he folded and now enjoys SO MANY more foods. We made sure our pediatrician was on board, too. Thank you for your book offer, but we’ll have to see how baby #2 responds to our methods, too! 🙂